Many of these are RUDE. This page is not for viewing by anyone under 18 years of age.

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 When once there was what might have been
  is thence the time that might well be
  that last first time that then now is
  the best worst time of infinity. --sbytnar  (2/18/97)

Translation effective 6-29-98:
When I have a chance to make a choice, I should make it.
The result can be either the one that is the best, or could
possibly be the worst, but either way,
it will be a choice that I will have to live with forever.

Just plain rude:

echo "[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq" |dc

Beer, sex, unix... two outta three aint bad! Really!

Man who walk through airport detector sideways going to Bangkok.

Beneath this stone a virgin lies,
For his life held no terrors.
A virgin born, a virgin died:
No hits, no runs, no errors.

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left him quite nude,
	Saw a woman come along
	And, unless I'm quite wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.

There's more than one way to skin a cat:
	Way number 27 -- Use an electric sander.
	Way number 15 -- Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
	Way number 32 -- Wrap it around a lonely frat man's pecker.

Subpoena,n .:
	From the root "sub", below, and the Latin "poena" for male
	organ or penis.  Therefore, "below the penis" or "by the balls."

Computer related rude:

Floppy now, hard later.

There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen
	So he built him some chicks
	Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.

The computer is the ultimate polluter: its shit is indistinguishable
from the food it produces.

Motto of the Electrical Engineer:
	Working computer hardware is a lot like an erect penis: it
	stays up as long as you don't screw with it.

All a hacker needs is a tight PUSHJ, a loose pair of UUOs, and a warm
place to shift.

Engineering/CS:

The How Come It All Landed On Me Law:  Whatever hits the fan will not be
evenly distributed.

When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to keep your
mind on the fact that your primary objective is to drain the swamp.

Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be
taught how not to.  So it is with the great programmers.

  For every CS Machine Problem there is a simple Solution,
      Neat,
	    Plausible,
		    Wrong.

C Code;
C Code run;
Run Code run;
Run Damnit run;

C:\DOS\
C:\DOS\RUN
RUN \DOS\RUN

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense"

I ain't no frognamer, I'm an n gin ear.
				-- The john painter

AI hackers do it with robots.
Hackers know all the right MOVs.
Hackers do it with all sorts of characters.
Hackers do it with fewer instructions.
Lisp hackers have to be bound (to-do 'it) ...
Hackers do it with bugs.
Draft beer, not people
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

My incarnations:

I'm digitally blocked in a parallel pipeline.
Hackers do it recursively.
x86 programmers do it in protected mode.
mc680x0 programmers do it in supervisor mode.
PowerPC programmers do it in with fewer instructions.
MIPS programmers dont do it without exception.
MMX programmers do it with multiple words.
65816 programmers COP out.
BASIC programmers do it, knowing exactly where to GOTO.
FORTRAN programmers do it itteratively.
C++ programmers do it with class.
C programmers do it with struct-ure.

Facts of Life:

I know who I am. Sometimes you go away, but I'm still here.
A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody.
It is what we are that gets across, not what we try to teach.
If one word does not succeed, ten thousand are of no avail.
If one word does not succeed, the marginal utility of the next word is negative.